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choose carefully: the red pill or the blue pill
Either way, you’re not leaving the couch for sixteen hours.
where’s the fucking rent
“Yes, hello, I’m from the FBI. I would like to ask you some questions about your daughter’s death.”
“But I already talked to the FBI.”
"i know. i just have a few more questions to ask you"
the fact that people think in different accents really gets to me
I wish we said “fancy” in America. As in, “I fancy you.” It’s such a more agreeable term than “I have a crush on you.” What’s a crush? Like, I AM A BOA CONSTRICTOR AND I AM GOING TO IMMOBILIZE YOU WITH MY MISPLACED AND OBSESSIVE AFFECTION. “I fancy you” is like, you’re so shiny and glittery and I just want to put you on a shelf and look at you for a while ‘cause you’re fancy.
in australia we just exchange boomerangs
im so glad my boyfriends penis is 2 bread lengths long (:
Who the fuck measures dick size in bread
Life is like driving the mako.
The controls kinda suck, but you’re going along anyway but then you hit an outcropping and you spin around wildly and end up facing the wrong direction or you get to the top of a cliff only to tumble down the other side or you can’t even get to the top of the cliff because it’s too steep but whatever happens you somehow always land upright.
And sometimes a giant snake comes out of the ground tries to eat you.